In this post: Comparing yourself to others really can steal your joy so it’s time to ditch comparisonitis and stay in your own lane. This can be easier said than done though, so I’m sharing 7 mindset shifts to make to help stop comparing yourself to others. Dive in to save yourself the angst that comparisonitis brings!
Have you ever found yourself getting caught up in other people’s lives, greedily gawking through your social media feed checking out what other people are up to? It feels like fun at first but then you start to notice that you don’t feel so great about yourself. It starts to feel like everyone else is prettier, having more fun, and is more successful than you.
Worst of all, you start to feel like everyone else except for you has their sh*t together.
With the amount of news and social media thrown our way nowadays, it’s hard to avoid seeing or hearing about people’s wins and adventures without wondering why our own lives don’t seem to match up. We start to feel insecure about the choices we’ve made in our lives and can even feel like we are sub-par or inferior in some way. Maybe we are just unlucky compared to everyone else?
The truth is that comparing ourselves to others really does steal our joy.
Why Do We Compare Ourselves To Others?
It’s not really that surprising that we tend to compare ourselves to others. It’s a habit that’s usually started as we go through school, getting ranked on our marks and behaviour.
Then it continues as we enter the workforce, where we often have to compete with others for job vacancies, wondering what the successful candidate has that we didn’t whenever we don’t get the job.
Not to mention that mainstream society often places a lot of importance on things like looks and haves or have nots.
More often than not, we’ve grown up being judged and ranked against others, so of course, we’re going to continue this unless we consciously decide not to compare ourselves to others.
Why Is Comparing Yourself To Others Bad?
So if getting compared to others has played such a big part in our lives, then why is comparing yourself to others bad? Well, there are a few reasons:
- It makes you feel bad about yourself
- It’s not helpful – it doesn’t actually help you achieve your goals
- It makes you see other people as competition rather than community
Essentially comparison breeds negativity. But how can you stop comparing yourself when it’s such a deeply ingrained habit?
For me, the key to ditching comparisonitis was making some important mindset shifts…
How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others With These 7 Mindset Shifts
1. Everyone is unique
Comparing ourselves to others is like comparing apples to oranges.
We are each unique individuals – there is literally no one else out there who is exactly like you are.
Our different backgrounds and different experiences combined with our own unique personality means that the life that we are living is very much our own.
This doesn’t mean that we can’t be united in our thoughts and feelings, or find a sense of camaraderie and mutual understanding when we have gone through similar experiences to others, but we are still essentially different people.
And this means that it’s not really fair on anyone to be compared to others because everybody is different and unique, so much so that it makes comparison unequal.
2. You probably don’t know the full story
We may be comparing ourselves to just part of someone else’s story. What someone else shares with us, or on social media, is very unlikely to show the full story of how they got to where they are.
You might have heard the expression ‘highlight reel’, it relates to the fact that people are much more likely to share their wins and successes rather than the hard slog that they might have experienced behind the scenes.
This can make it feel like someone has had instant success or a win that has come really easy to them, when in fact they just didn’t share all the hard work and downtimes that they experienced along the way.
It is not fair to compare yourself and your own journey to that!
3. They could be further along in their journey
As well as being unique individuals, we are also on our own unique journey through life. But sometimes it is easy to forget this when we see someone else who is where we are trying to get to.
We might have a goal to become sublimely happy with ourselves and our lives, and so when we see photos of people radiating happiness or hear about others that are living their dream life, we tend to look at them and think why aren’t I there yet, what is wrong with me?
It’s easy to forget that they might have been where you are now and that they have had to be through their own trials and errors to achieve the success that they are showing now. It might just be that you are comparing your beginning to their end (not to mention that no two journeys would be exactly the same!).
4. YOU are still a worthwhile person
Even forgetting that we are each incredibly unique individuals, it’s not productive to be comparing yourself to others in a judgemental way. It tends to erode our self-worth when we feel inferior to others and it sends a message to our subconscious that our self-worth is directly linked to how we perform compared to others.
This is definitely NOT a good thing to base your self-worth on!!
What you have, or have not, achieved in life doesn’t affect you being a good person or not. You can be a good person regardless of where you are in life. Being a good person is more a case of acting with kindness and integrity, rather than your haves and have-nots.
Related Post: How To Overcome Feelings Of Low Self-Worth
5. Get inspired instead
If you see or hear of someone who is where you want to be, use it as inspiration to hone your goals and give you extra motivation to get there.
Is there something you can learn from your fav businesswoman who is killing it in her career? Maybe she has a knack for time management that you can try for getting more done in your day, or maybe she’s done a really great course that she can recommend.
People sharing their hard times can provide motivation too. For example, giving us the motivation we need to be healthier if we hear about someone else’s health problems, or to work towards financial security if we hear about someone struggling financially.
Just make sure you’re using it to provide inspiration for something you really do want to achieve yourself (not just for the sake of ‘keeping up with the Joneses’).
6. Celebrate others wins
Rather than feeling envious of your friends wins, give them a shout out for achieving something great. Everybody loves to get a ‘pat on the back’ and you’ll feel good within yourself too for celebrating their success!
Them having a win doesn’t mean that they’ve taken away the possibility of you experiencing that win as well. In fact, it may help you to reach your goals faster if you nurture a community of enthusiasm and support.
Showing that you are happy for others to succeed makes them more likely to share their story with you and create an environment of friendship and collaboration.
7. Concentrate on your own dreams
Instead of paying too much attention to what is happening in other people’s lives (particularly of those people you don’t know very well), bring your focus back to yourself and what you want to achieve in your own life.
What are your dreams? How can you make them a reality? Create action steps to get you there and then do them! If you are concentrating on your own path in life, what others are doing around you doesn’t seem as important.
Whichever angle you choose to stop comparing yourself to others, make sure it has a positive spin on it and that it’s beneficial to your self-esteem and mindset!
I hope this post has shown you that it’s not really fair to compare yourself to others. Each of us is so unique in so many ways that we are beyond comparison to anyone else really. You are on your own path and no one else’s path runs the exact same course.
Comparing yourself to others can really erode our self-confidence and self-worth, filling our thoughts with negativity and making us write off any of our own achievements as not good enough.
Instead, celebrate the achievements others share and they might just return the favour when you have a success of your own to share!
Learn from others and garner inspiration, but never let other people’s stories drag you down. Keep your mindset strong and focus your energies on achieving your own goals and dreams.
Much love, Sarah xo
PS. Need to build up your self-worth after spending too much time comparing yourself to others? Join my FREE 5-Day “I’m Worth It!” Challenge to get you back on track to feeling great about yourself. Click here to sign-up now!