In this post: When you never feel good enough, here are 10 things to remember. I’m sharing my experience with never feeling good enough and giving you some inspiration to start to believe in yourself!
Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough to achieve the things you want in life?
I’ve so been there. Each day was a struggle as I was bombarded with thoughts of how lacking I was.
I was never enough of the things I needed to succeed: I never had enough willpower, motivation, focus, organisation, passion and I was always too full of negative traits: too stupid, clumsy, indecisive, socially inept, even too ugly.
When I did decide to go after my dreams regardless of these thoughts, I would end up stuffing it up somehow – which would then reinforce my feelings of not being good enough to do anything special – be anything special.
It was a vicious cycle of feeling terrible about myself and thinking I wasn’t worthy of anything good happening in my life. I’d end up wondering what was the point of even trying and feel like staying in bed and with a big block of chocolate.
And I know I’m not alone in these feelings…
But here are 10 things to remember when you never feel good enough.
1. It’s not your fault these feelings started
To explain this, let’s think about why we feel like we’re not good enough.
What is it that makes us feel this way? Is it society’s fault? Our parents’ fault? Does it come from some sort of trauma or event in our lives? Or is it actually our own fault?
The short answer is that it could be any or all of those things that have eroded how we feel about ourselves. But it’s probably something that happened unconsciously at first and has built up over time.
Society’s role
Society does place a lot of pressure on us to meet certain standards of how we “should be” and if we don’t “measure up”, we feel lacking or like there’s something wrong with us.
We can feel like we need to look a certain way, behave as expected, work a socially accepted career and live our life chasing after the traditional goals of having a cool car, owning our own house, being in a committed relationship and having 2.5 kids.
Our parents’ role
If we didn’t get enough love and encouragement from our parental figures it could leave us feeling like we aren’t lovable. That there must be something in us that is stopping them from giving us love.
We think the reason they didn’t provide us with all the love & support we wanted was our fault. Especially if we saw them showing the love & encouragement that we so desperately wanted to someone else.
This leads to feelings of “what is wrong with me?”.
From trauma or events in our lives
Looking back on my life, I can’t remember much from my childhood but there are definitely some things that stand out more clearly than the rest. They are the times when I was feeling strong emotions of some sort – strong negative emotions for the most part.
Things like when I got teased to the point of tears from my classmates or when I felt excruciatingly embarrassed in drama class when my supposed friends left me hanging in an impromptu skit.
Or even more serious things, like the devastation I felt when my mother passed away and I regretted past action (or lack of actions).
These events certainly chipped away at how good I felt about myself and my guess is that you have similar experiences in your own life that have shaped how you feel about yourself.
Like Julie Roberts says in the movie Pretty Woman:
“It’s easier to remember the bad stuff.”
We let these memories build up resentment, regret and hatred towards ourselves that ass to our feelings of not being good enough.
Our own fault?
While I don’t think we ever start to feel like we’re not good enough without some sort of external experience triggering us to think less of ourselves, I do think we fall into a pattern of self-loathing.
Our brains are wired to see things through our existing opinions and beliefs about the world around us and this means that we tend to see evidence of what we already believe to be true.
When we start to believe something about ourselves, we see proof of it everywhere.
A little slip up in our day reminds us that we are the world’s clumsiest person, or if our plans don’t work out we feel like it is proof that we just can’t get it together.
Because we are looking at them through a filter of already not feeling good enough, we feel that everything that happens to us is a personal reflection on how worthy we are as a person.
Psst: Struggling to feel good enough and like you matter? Join in the FREE 5-Day “I’m Worth It!” Challenge to boost your self-worth and start to feel good about yourself! Click here to get all the details!
2. How you talk to yourself matters
The way you talk to yourself has a MASSIVE impact on how you feel about yourself.
I didn’t used to give much thought to what my inner voice was saying until I realised that the words I was telling myself were literally tearing my self-esteem to shreds.
The words were always abusive, telling myself what an idiot I was, berating myself for any mistake and making comments like ‘There’s something wrong with me’ and there’s ‘I’m so useless’.
I would never use words of encouragement and would actually sometimes be proud of how harsh I was being on myself. I thought that it would make me a better person to be my own worst critic.
But after years of negative self-talk, I realised that it hadn’t done me any favours whatsoever.
“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” ~Lori Deschene
All I had managed to achieve with all of my self-criticising was a passionate hatred of myself along with severe depression and anxiety.
So I decided to mix things up and actually start talking to myself as if I was my own best friend.
It took some time, but the difference is amazing. I feel so much better about myself it’s like I’ve gone from night to day.
Related Post: How To Turn Around Your Negative Self-Talk
3. Everything is solvable
John Assaraf says that there are only 4 things that hold us back from achieving our dreams:
- Limiting beliefs;
- Self-image;
- Fears; and
- Lack of knowledge
And you know what? All of these hurdles are obstacles we can overcome.
We can change our beliefs, decide on our own self-image, manage our fears enough to do it scared and learn what we need to know to make things happen. In other words, everything is solvable.
I think this is such a powerful thing to realise as it gives us a practical argument to make any time we don’t feel good enough.
Don’t feel like you’re the kind of person who can become a doctor? Shift your self-image and undertake a degree in medicine to prove yourself wrong.
Have a belief that you’re not good enough to make a certain income level? Work on your money mindset and financial skills to show yourself you can.
Not feeling good enough doesn’t have to be the end of the story.
4. No one is exactly like you
Have you ever heard the saying:
“No one is like you and that’s your superpower”?
It’s so true, no one else has exactly the same qualities as you do. We are all made up of different strengths & weaknesses, experiences & knowledge, thoughts & feelings. They combine to make us unique and special.
Being different means that we can contribute in different ways and our society is stronger when we share our own individual experiences, knowledge and opinions.
Not everyone sees it like this and there is a tendency to compare ourselves to others, which can make us feel like we need to change who we are before we are ‘worthy’ of being accepted and loved. That the “real” version of ourselves isn’t good enough to receive these things.
It can feel more comfortable to try and fit in with what society tells us we are supposed to be, what we have grown up to see as “normal” but doing this doesn’t allow us to really shine as our authentic selves.
Start to own your uniqueness and you will be in a league of your own.
How you measure up to others won’t matter so much because you’re now running your own race and nobody else’s.
Related Post: Why You Deserve To Love Yourself
5. You can achieve so much more when you believe in yourself
How much does not feeling good enough hold you back from going after what you really want in life? If you’re anything like me, it’s held you back from doing a lot!
Imagine if you no longer let your feelings of not being good enough hold you back. Imagine if you believed that you were good enough instead.
When you believe in yourself, you not only feel better about yourself in general but you’ll feel more capable in your own abilities and will start to take actions towards your dreams with more confidence.
You’ll be less likely to sabotage yourself because you’ll imagine good things happening when you make an effort rather than expecting mistakes and setbacks like you used to.
You’ll also set a positive example for those around you. The more positive you are about yourself, what is possible for you, and the more you act in alignment with this new belief, the more others will believe it’s possible for them too.
Not only that, you working towards and achieving your dreams will have a positive impact in your own life and the life of others. Most of us want to achieve better health & happiness, earn more money, and follow our passions, and these things ripple out to our families, friends and community as well.
Related Post: 5 Reasons Having Goals Can Make You Happier
6. Everyone has their self-doubts and fears
The more people I connect with the more I see this is true: everyone has their self-doubts and fears.
Even those we look up to as seemingly fearless and endlessly brave have doubts about whether they are good enough. It might not be about the small things anymore, but they’re still coming across fears when they are trying new things or voicing new opinions.
It just doesn’t hold them back so much because they’ve dealt with these kinds of doubts & fears before, so they have the tools and capacity to deal with them quicker the next time they come up.
Psst: Struggling to feel good enough and like you matter? Join in the FREE 5-Day “I’m Worth It!” Challenge to boost your self-worth and start to feel good about yourself! Click here to get all the details!
7. No one has it together all of the time
This is another belief we seem to have about those we look up to: that they have it together all of the time.
But even though some peoples’ lives look incredibly calm and organised from the outside, they still have ups and downs like everyone else. That’s just part of life.
They might not necessarily share their downs with you and they might have learnt to ride the waves pretty well but nobody’s life is perfectly peachy all of the time.
Things get busy, arguments are had, and bad moods happen. So next time you’re not feeling good enough for not having it all together? Give yourself a break.
8. Don’t believe everything you think
Your mind can be a convincing liar so don’t believe everything you think.
Our brains are naturally biased to see the negative in a situation, it’s how it kept us safe back in caveman times when anything new could have literally been a life or death situation. But in modern day, this tendency to focus on the negatives is NOT helpful!
It has us focusing on our faults rather than all of the amazing things we can do, so make sure to ignore your brain when it thinks those negative thoughts and tell yours positive thoughts instead.
Related Post: How To Have A Positive Mindset When Facing Negative Situations
9. Think progress over perfection
You can’t be an expert the first time you try something. Even if you have a natural talent for something, it still takes time to hone your skills.
Plus aiming for perfect can actually hurt not only your self-esteem but how much you achieve, slowing down your progress towards your goals.
Think progress over perfection and remember that working on your goals, or changing your habits, isn’t always a linear journey, so don’t give up too early.
Celebrate your efforts as well as your wins and remember setbacks and “failures” are just part of the process.
10. Love yourself now
You don’t need to change yourself in order to be able to love yourself.
When I first started on my self-love journey to feel better about myself, I thought I would have to drastically change myself in order to be able to love myself. Now that I do love myself, I realise that I’m essentially the same person.
It was my thoughts & beliefs about myself that changed more than anything else.
The key to loving yourself is just to start being kinder to yourself – treat yourself like you would a best friend you love very dearly. Start being encouraging and thoughtful. Remind yourself that you are amazing just as you are – you are NOT broken!
Start acting like you already love yourself and, slowly but surely, it will start to become true!
Related Post: How To Love Yourself
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Let’s Recap
To recap, here are 10 things to remember when you never feel good enough:
- It’s not your fault these feelings started
- How you talk to yourself matters
- Everything is solvable
- No one is exactly like you
- You can achieve so much more when you believe in yourself
- Everyone has their self-doubts and fears
- No one has it together all of the time
- Don’t believe everything you think
- Think progress over perfection
- Love yourself now
I hope these reminders help you to see that you are good enough and worthy of having good things in your life.
Changing your thoughts and feelings from not feeling good enough to believing in yourself and being happy with yourself can take time, but it is definitely possible.
And it’s definitely worthwhile making the journey of self-growth to get there!
Don’t forget to join in the fun of the 5-Day “I’m Worth It!” Challenge! I’ll be sharing 5 keys to building up your self-worth and feeling good about yourself. And it’s totally FREE!! Click here to register!
I’m wishing you every success on your own journey and sending you much love!
Sarah xo
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